THE BRITISH | get-a-grip

WHAT IT IS TO BE BRITISH

If I were to ask you what you consider to be the icons that define what most people (including the British) readily associate with Britain what would be your answer?

The Queen? - The English language?
The Union Jack? - St. George?
The Mini? - Fish and Chips?
A Sunday roast? - Warm beer?

'There is no such thing as a ‘British’ person in terms of heritage – it is a fact that the vast majority of the ‘British’ race is descended from Europeans'.

'Even if you have a shaved head and a swastika tattooed on your forehead you’re not British'.

The Queen
Most visitors to Britain (and most people around the world for that matter) would be able to recognize a picture of the Queen if it were put in front of them; the fact that her face appears on most of our postage stamps and some of our currency might give them a clue. But she’s not ‘British’ – she’s French and German. Firstly, she’s directly descended from William the Bastard (you might prefer to use his more common name of William the Conqueror) (3) and also descended from the Danish House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sondburg-Glücksburg, a line of the North German house of Oldenburg. (4) If that weren’t European enough for you she’s married to a man of German, Danish, Greek descent who has an unfortunate habit of engaging his mouth before his brain - they are related too, Queen Victoria is both their great, great grandmother.

Windsor and Mountbatten they’re certainly not! The Duke of Edinburgh is also Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glūcksburg on his Fathers side and Battenberg on his mother’s. Now, whilst Batternberg is a lovely cake (I particularly like the way the marzipan coating sticks to the roof of your mouth) it’s about as British as a Corgi (5). (No, they’re not Welsh, they’re of Nordic descent). Needless to say these names simply had to go. You couldn’t fight a war against zee German’s (Kaiser Bill being a close relative not withstanding) and wave your German heritage around like a spicy bratwurst in front of people’s faces. So in a public relations exercise akin to changing the name of the Windscale nuclear power plant to Sellafield, their surnames were changed to Windsor and Mountbatten.

She’s a nice enough little old lady but if we’re on the subject of value for money don’t you think we should also be having a referendum about whether we should abolish the monarchy? I mean she costs us £35.7 million every year and is worth around £300 million - maybe we should put that on the side of a bus and suggest we can fund the NHS with it? (6) I’m only joking of course, but hopefully you see my point.

Whatever your answer you may be surprised to learn that none of them have their roots in British culture but instead are all based on European culture. Not only that, there is no such thing as a ‘British’ person in terms of heritage – it is a fact that the vast majority of the ‘British’ race is descended from Europeans. That’s what makes the whole concept of the argument put forward by some BREXIT campaigners that want to ‘Keep Britain for the British’ so farcical.

British Heritage
Even if you have a shaved head and a swastika tattooed on your forehead you’re not British, although you would bear a passing resemblance to the first European settlers to colonize these shores, the Cro-Magnons in the Stone Age. (1) So where this idea of Island mentality came from is difficult to understand as Britain manifestly has been constantly invaded by Europeans from the year dot. European ‘Union’ is what has made us who we are and even if now you would prefer that your sphincter not be penetrated by a European digit, no matter how well-manicured, you can’t change history; that boat has already sailed many times before. You may well have pushed it into the depths of your psyche but the fact remains - this treasured jewel of an isle has, like a whore in a military harbour, been pillaged many times before. The Celts (from central Europe and France), the Roman’s, the North Germanic tribes of the Angles, Saxons and Jutes and of course the Vikings have all been here and impregnated anything that moved, and if it didn’t move they’d slap it around a bit until it did; not to mention of course that an amalgamation of their dialects has given you your much loved (if often abused) English language.

'She’s a nice enough little old lady but if we’re on the subject of value for money don’t you think we should also be having a referendum about whether we should abolish the monarchy?'

The Union Jack
The origins of the older flag of Great Britain dates back to 1606 when King James VI of Scotland who, after inheriting the thrones of England and Ireland, created a flag to represent the unity of the three crowns. It’s present design dates back to 1801 following the Union of England and Ireland. The flag’s design combines the flag of England (a red cross on a white background – also known as St. George’s cross), the flag of Scotland (a white saltire on a blue background, known as the St. Andrew's Cross) and the older flag of Ireland (a red saltire on a white background to represent St. Patrick). (7)

The St. George’s cross has appeared on many flags and emblems throughout antiquity and is believed to date back to the pre-reformation Holy Roman Empire. Most notably however, it was the ensign of The Republic of Genoa as well as other parts of Italy (and Spain) and was adopted by England during the Crusades – so it isn’t English, it’s Italian. (8)

The exact origin of the St. Andrews cross is a little more nebulous but is believed to be based on the crucifixion of St. Andrew by the Romans in Patras, Greece. St. Andrew was crucified on a cross of the form called crux decussate (X-shaped cross, or "saltire"), now commonly known as a ‘Saint Andrew’s Cross’— supposedly at his own request, as he deemed himself unworthy to be crucified on the same type of cross as Jesus had been (incidentally, St. Andrew was not Scottish but Jewish). (9) On this basis the flag appears to have its origins in Greece and was adopted by the Celts (who colonized Scotland).

St. Patrick’s cross dates back to the Fitzgerald Dynasty which is a Cambro-Norman dynasty founded in Wales after the Norman invasion in 1066 and who were elevated to become peers of Ireland in the 14th century (and yes they too were colonized initially by the Celts). It’s origins is therefore European not British and St. Patrick was born of a Roman Father in Roman Britain. (10)

St. George
As everyone knows (or should know) St. George is the patron saint of England - he’s also the patron saint of 23 other countries. He is everything we would like him to be; warrior and dragon slayer, but he isn’t English or British. According to legend, he was a Roman Soldier and military officer in the guard of Emperor Diocletian of the Roman army. (11)

Now you might argue that as the British ‘designed’ the Union Jack it is therefore British. But that’s like saying that Henry Ford invented the motor car (nope another European, François Isaac de Rivaz did that) and in any event James VI was directly descended (just as Queen Elizabeth II) from William the Bastard and married a Dane.

'In some respects this referendum is a bit like that famous scene in the Italian Job – yes, there are issues but we don’t want to blow the bloody doors off!'

The Mini
In some respects this referendum is a bit like that famous scene in the Italian Job – yes, there are issues but we don’t want to blow the bloody doors off! The mini featured a lot in that film and is an icon of British design. But firstly, the car as mentioned in the previous paragraph, had nothing to do with British ingenuity and in any event it was designed by Sir Alex Issigonis – a Greek German. (12) And the ‘new’ mini was designed for BMW by an American, Frank Stephenson.

Fish and Chips
What would a visit to the seaside be without a healthy portion of piping hot fish and chips wrapped in newspaper? Well first off, fried potatoes were almost certainly first consumed in Belgium or France around the 17th century around the same time that Jewish refugees brought the idea of fried fish to Britain from Portugal and Spain. As regards marrying them together as a meal, there’s a lot of controversy over that – some say it occurred in the North of England first, others in London. Because it suits my argument, needless to say I’m going for London, in which case it was a Jewish immigrant called Joseph Malin in East London in 1860. Interesting to note how many of the innovations that we know and love in this country have been brought to us by immigrants… just sayin’ that’s all. (13)

And newspaper? The Romans have the claim to that with daily notices called the Acta Diurna. Thereafter hand written notices were common throughout Italy in the 15-1700s and with the advent of the printing press newspapers as we know them were first produced in Germany in 1605. (14)

The Sunday Roast
The Romans again – what have the Romans ever done for us? Far more than even Monty Python gave them credit for it would appear. The Romans were experts at cooking and eating huge portions of meat but it’s not true that they would then throw it up in ‘vomitoriums’ so that they could consume more (Vomitoria was the name given to passageways in amphitheatres that allowed patrons to be literally ‘disgorged’ from the arena).

Eating a large Sunday meal after church services was common throughout Europe for countries with a Christian heritage and in this country it dates back to medieval times. The beef originated from wild ox that roamed Europe and Asia (which is where domesticated cows came from), the veg and roast spuds were brought to us by the Spanish, Portuguese and Dutch and the Yorkshire pudding? Ok, I’ll give you that one, although of course flour, eggs, milk and water were around long before Yorkshire was. (15)

Warm beer
Technically it’s room temperature and given the climate in this country that hardly ever means warm. Nothing much to report here; it was being brewed by the Celts even before the Romans arrived but the Romans clearly did make it more readily available and widely spread. Hopped beer was then imported to Britain from the Netherlands as early as the 14th century. Incidentally, ale differs from beer in that it is ‘unhopped’. (16)

'So there you have it – nothing you think of as ‘British’ is British at all, it’s all European - as are you, your friends, the Queen, the food and drink you consume and the language you use; but it doesn’t stop there…'

The Ride of the Valkyries
Who hasn’t stood on a chair and conducted The Ride of the Valkyries – or flown their remote controlled helicopter around the room to it? It’s a stunning piece of music that evokes an image of wonderfully pneumatic women dressed in leather bodices (OK, so that might just be me then..) And what about the food? Pastas, grills, fish and stews: salads, charcuterie, amazing cheeses, pickles, pulses and pies: freshly baked bread, ice cream, pastries and puddings: wine, beer, liquors and spirits. The list is endless but pales into insignificance compared to the rapture we enjoy from European culture: music, opera, literature, design, art and architecture. In this respect we have far more in common with our European friends than we do with our gun toting evangelical American cousins.

We are European and if that doesn’t convince you then ask yourself where you prefer to go on holiday to get away from this miserable weather; it’s Europe. Did you know that in 2015 alone the British visited Europe on no less than 40 million occasions (visits for at least 1 night) - and that’s just based on the top ten worldwide destinations; it’s an astonishing figure. And of the top ten countries visiting the UK, 8 were European. (17)

Summary
Apart from our obvious European heritage our culture is European too, well in fact it’s as much a world culture as it is European. We have multicultural society that has benefited from migrants coming here from all over the world for hundreds of years. Next time you walk down the high street just look at what you can buy in the shops and look at the people. Of course some of you don’t like that but the fact is we are heading towards a more connected global community; that is progress and try as hard as you may you can’t stop the inevitable march of progress just as Canute couldn’t stop the tide from wetting his undergarments. (Cnut the Great was a Dane who was king of England in the 11th century, and believe me that is NOT a name you want to misspell…)

'Cnut the Great was a Dane who was king of England in the 11th century, and believe me that is NOT a name you want to misspell…'

Voting out is a clear step backwards and does nothing to mitigate the fact that we are already inextricably linked to Europe by the blood coursing through our veins, our culture, what we choose to eat and drink and the air we prefer to breathe when want to relieve ourselves of the stresses and strains of everyday life.

Just as a side note – did you that whilst Brussel sprouts were originally first grown in Belgium (no surprise there) Britain has since become the 3rd largest producer of them worldwide? Now, that really is something to be proud of.

Sources:

1 – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cro-Magnon

2 – http://www.eupedia.com/england/english_history.shtml

3 – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Descent_of_Elizabeth_II_from_William_the_Conqueror

4 – http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/queen-elizabeth-II/11693813/How-German-is-the-Queen.html

5 – http://www.cardigancorgis.com/history.asp

6 – http://metro.co.uk/2016/04/21/this-is-how-much-the-queen-actually-costs-us-5827257/

7 – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Union_Jack

8 – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St_George's_Cross

9 – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_the_Apostle

10 – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cambro-Norman

11 – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_George